Archive for December 2006

Bomb Blasts and New Year Eve

December 31, 2006

2 die, 20 hurt as bombings hit Bangkok, reads the online news headlines. Not a great way to start your new year. I was hoping to to chant >10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 as we welcome the New Year – 2007 amidst crackling and sparkling of fireworks high up in Bangkok Sky. I even made plans to go into the middle of crowd and toast with every Tom, Dick and Harry I bump upon.
Actually I read the news from The Lost Boy’s Blog, that I frequently visit (which is better than actual news sites).
Looks like this New Year Eve will be a real lonesome night as I will be ushered into my room with a couple of beers (man, I don’t know how to drink alone!).
Anyway, to all those who are alone and lost in cyberspace and not alone and not lost, here is to New Year, the promising 2007. Wish you all the joys, success and good luck in the New Year and all the years to come!
May Peace Prevail on Earth!

Cinema! What was I Thinking?

December 30, 2006

Went to catch a movie, Night at the Museum, with so many expectations and hope for a good laugh and try not to think too much about the things I am given to thinking these days. But, what was I thinking?
Cinema Theatres can be tricky these days. Felt as if I was at the Artic Circle. Cold. Extremely Cold. Brrr…Everyone knows Cinema Theatres are air-conditioned, but to turn the AirCon to that temperature? Why? To give that Wintry Christmas/New Year Feel? I don’t understand.
Cinemas should put up a banner or a sign at the entrance,
Cinema Halls are Extremely Cold! Bring your own Jackets/Blankets. Thank You.
Clothed only in regular T-Shirt and Jeans, I was too engrossed in keeping myself warm. I didn’t know what was happening. The film was supposed to be a comedy. Ben Stiller! He is a funny guy. I cannot help but laugh my lungs out whenever I see this guy’s film. But not today, not today…I am still shivering with cold. A large bowl of Tom-Yum soup will do me fine. Forget that film. Dammit! What was I thinking? I am cold…I cannot even type properly! Dammit!
And suddenly I remember her…Hope she is doing well.
Yet, I am still cold. Here comes the Tom-Yum Soup. Yummy. Warm. Nice.
Cinema Theatres. Damn! What is that music now? Not her again! Why the hell do they play that song? Fergie! I am out of here. Not her again. Who the hell is Fergie anyway? As if the world is not enough with Paris Hilton! Groan! Now we have two to destroy us!
Dear, oh dear…I am cold and depressed now. Dammit!
Dear Cinema Theatre Managers, next time I’ll remember to bring a jacket or a blanket when I come to watch a film in your theatre. In the meanwhile, why don’t you put some on hire? You could make some money!

The Lone Wolf

December 29, 2006

Most of his friends gone and other friends not too friendly, he will feel like a lone wolf. He is and has been a lone wolf for most of his life.
When she leaves, the lone wolf feels lost and utterly depressed.
Later that day, he tries to go to his workstation, but feels useless. He thinks about everything. He does not feel a thing. The lone wolf feels inanimate.The lone wolf tries to sleep, sleep has forsaken him.
The lone wolf roams the street like a headless chicken seeking comfort among the less fortunate, but ends up in a cyber cafe that he frequents.
He thinks of updating his blog. He could not think of anything. He must think of something and update his blog.
He will be a lone wolf for a while…

Uncertainty

December 23, 2006

What was that noise?
Undecipherable noise. Cries. Loud. Louder. Loudest.
A group of people were standing around a bed. Everyone was looking at everyone, worries written all over their faces. I didn’t have to think twice. It was a common thing. We were there, our days numbered – end near, waiting to leave anytime.
Soon a blue screen was drawn around the bed. Commotion continued behind the screen. The woman cried uncomfortably now. A man entered the room almost hurridly, with a bundle of cloth under his arm and several other things in both his hands. He disappeared behind the screen.
The room was silent other than the woman’s incessant wailings. Sweet aroma of incense filled up the room. I looked at the scene without much of an emotion. I mean, emotion was useless in such a place.
A nurse folded and pushed the screen into a corner. The people stood around the bed discussing something. I tried to look, but my eyes were already heavy and watery. “Don’t look…” said a voice behind my back. My brother, perhaps.
I heard the squeeking of wheels as they pushed the bed along the corridor. The squeeking died along with the cries of the unfortunate woman.
“Another one!” I thought, as I slumbered back to uncertainty.
That was the only thing I could do. I was helpless. People went to hospital with two options. Options, not choice. To die or to live. People always expect them to live. But that was not a choice. Expectations are not choice. You may choose to die, but not to live, especially if you are grounded in the hospital. Sometimes, even doctors cannot help you live. Yet they never tell you you will die. Smiling, they always say, ‘you’re going to be fine’. All you can do is smile and believe what they say, even if you do not believe them.
A fan rotated slowly, dangling from the ceiling, creaking and winding my time in the hospital. A picture of Medicine Buddha alongside a picture of His Majesty with the late Je Khenpo hang on the wall above the door overlooking us. Why was the medicine Buddha blue?
I was feeling dizzy and light-headed. I closed my eyes. The smell of incense hovered in the room. For a moment I thought I was somewhere. Peaceful. Was I dying?
Hot. Cold. Warm. Millions of fireflies circled around me. Hundreds of needles pierced. Pain. Someone placed a damp cloth on my forehead and carassed my hair.
Whispering. Noise. Silence. Darkness.
A faint image of medicine Buddha hovered before me.
I drifted off to sleep.

What was that?

December 22, 2006

Star Movies. One of the other English Channels in my room, the other being BBC World, which I constantly watch.
I didn’t catch the title of the film.
Five minutes through, a boy falls desperately in love with a girl. The girl also loves him, equally desperate and often expressing their love in endless love-making. Halfway through, I didn’t know how or why, they shouted at each other and went their ways. They hated each other. They expressed their hatred with telephone calls, opening and banging of fridge door, cutting off her hair, tattoing and piercing himself, and doing other reckless and crazy things. The parents come to know about their love affair. Fathers are good, while mothers seem to bleat alot. ‘I love my baby…’ says one of the moms. ‘I’ll kill this psycho…’ was the opinion of the girl’s mother to settle the score. They chase each other.
I didn’t know who was chasing whom, until in the end, the two love birds are seen smiling, kissing and giggling alot as the end credit rolls with a music I never heard.
I looked at the screen, then at the remote control in my hand. How I wished to smash both the TV set and remote control.
Later, I punished myself by sleeping for nearly two hours.
I saw the two lovers in my dreams. They were chasing me.

23rd December!!! A Birthday wish!!!

December 22, 2006

I don’t really believe in birthdays. So, no celebrations.
So, this was the day I was born. 23rd December. How old am I anyway? It’s high time I lie about my age!
Mmm…older by a year now. Old. Not Wiser in anyway. Another year wasted. A few more to waste?
All my yesterdays seem like yesterdays.
23rd of December. 2006. What a year!
It’s my wish to be good to all.
May peace prevail on earth!

When will be my Deathday? Maybe I’ll celebrate this day…

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

December 21, 2006

I peered myself into the mirror. I saw me. At once, I wanted to ask so many questions.
What makes myself different from others? What am I? Who am I? Mirror had no answer. Nor did I.
I stood in front of the mirror for a long time, making faces to myself. I smiled. The me in mirror smiled too. I frowned. So did the me in mirror. I said something. The me in mirror did the same thing.
Was it possible for me to make the me in mirror disappear? Would the me in mirror make me disappear? Did the me in mirror had a mind of its own?
I continued looking at the me in mirror. The me in mirror looked at me.
I had only one objective. I wanted to make the me in mirror disappear. What if it was also the objective of the me in mirror?
I tried hard. I meditated like a Bodhisattva and shooed the me in mirror away. I chided. I cursed. I shouted. I smiled. I requested. I warned. I laughed. I cried.
It was impossible. It was frustrating. I smashed the mirror on the floor breaking it into several pieces. Several tiny me looked at me in disbelief. Okay, okay, I did not smash the mirror, but I would have if the mirror was mine.
Since it was way past midnight, I turned off the light and went to bed.